Facing a Bullet
by Lynne Russell

“Fearless.”

That’s what my close friends call me, and it’s a word that best describes my personality.

I still wear a bracelet a friend gave me. It spells out f-i-e- r-c-e, another appropriate description, because I always possessed a desire to live on the wild side. For a while, that is exactly where I resided.

There’s an additional word I want to share, “bullet” (a small metal projectile). A bullet changed the direction of my life as it ricocheted off the pavement in a small nook of an apartment complex. But I’ll get back to that in a few.

I grew up in the Wild West, in the state of Wyoming. The oldest of three children, I was born fearless and in charge. I knew I could handle whatever came my way. Living in Wyoming made me tough as nails. I grew up hunting, not like they do in Texas (no offense meant to those who hunt in Texas), but hunting in Wyoming meant you got up very early and you tracked, walked, watched and shot. Then you quartered up the animal and packed it out. You did not do this on horseback. No squeamish, yuck, I can’t handle the blood and guts, from this girl. You did it to survive.

I was a daddy’s girl from the day I was born. One of my daddy’s favorite things to tell me was “It’s a big beautiful world. Go and get it!”

Another one of my favorite quotes is from James Dean. “Dream as though you will live forever; live as if you will die today.”

Both of those were true for me. I dreamt about being invincible. Nothing could stop me, and I knew I would live
forever. In reality, I always pushed the limit and could have died any day!

I have to share a bit of history before I take you on the adventure of my life. Born in the fifties, I was a teenager in the late sixties and early seventies. If you grew up at this time, it meant hippies, drugs, and murder. Who remembers what Charles Manson did in 1969? A reporter asked Charles Manson, “Who are you?” Charles Mason replied, “Nobody, I’m nobody. I’m a tramp, a bum, a hobo; I’m a boxcar, and a jug of wine, and a straight razor if you get close to me.” He was a destructive force. Asked if he was Jesus Christ, Manson said, “Which one?” Manson said there are several: Black, Mexican, and Jewish. He said it’s all in our mind. How bizarre to even think that way.

Needless to say, life in the sixties and seventies was different from today.

However, that was the decade of life that drew me to the destiny in my heart.

Growing up at that time, I loved watching the television show, “The Mod Squad,” featuring Michael Cole as Pete, Peggy Lipton as Julie, and Clarence Williams II as Linc. I started dreaming about going into a line of work like the Mod Squad was in, police officers, who weekly engaged in exciting adventures as they fought crime. I wondered what it would be like to be Julie?

I saw many of my friends die from suicide, drug overdose and, yes, even murder.

So being the brave, fearless person I was born to be, I thought, What can I do to stop the hurt, the trauma and the dying (a loss of spiritual life and end of life) of my family and friends.

Lawyer? Nope, don’t think so. Not so sure that is the best way to wipe out crime.

So I became Julie, a dream and an answer to help stop the ugliness. But that meant I had to become numb, and live in the ugliness. Filthy language, sex, drugs, and murder; all you can imagine it to be.

I was an undercover vice, narcotics and homicide detective. I thought, Yep, now I can fight crime. I have a badge and a gun and I am fearless and ready to put the bad guys away.

Back to the word, “Bullet.” Remember the metal projectile? I was living recklessly. I was the big bad undercover detective. I could do anything on my own, with no help from anyone. And then, I found myself in a gun battle with an assailant. We were fighting over the gun and POW! The gun goes off. A bullet ricocheted (the motion of a projectile in rebounding or deflecting one or more times from the surface over which it is passing through, or against which it hits; a glancing blow).

As I watched the bullet bounce from wall-to-wall in slow motion, I witnessed something else. The Lord Jesus Christ appeared to me in full-blown glory. Looking at me He said, “Choose this day who ye will serve.” I didn’t think twice. Praise God, I chose Him, and then I watched the bullet plant itself in the body of my foe, killing him instantly. I wonder if Jesus asked him the same question?

The Lord saved my life on that day with the hand that bears the nail scars; He stopped the bullet! He met me right where I was, and reached His nail scarred, bullet-holed hand out to me. My life was never the same after that split-second happening with my Lord.

There was a dramatic change in me. I was still fearless, but fearless about my faith and family. Those were now my passion. Whether you believe in God or not, I believe we are called to walk beside family, friends and hurting people. Our brains are created to function in either fear or love, and the two cannot function in our brain at the same time. Love breaks down negativity and brings amazing things into our lives.

I now live out Romans 12:1-2, a passage that speaks about the sacrifice God wants us to make for him:

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

I chose Him in a split second, or I would have died and gone to hell. Unlike the culture around us, always dragging us down to its level of immaturity, after saying “yes” to Him, I found God brought out the best in me and developed well- formed maturity in my life.

When you surrender your life to Him, He will transform your life. He promises to never leave you nor forsake you!

My power and authority used to come from man. I had a badge, a gun and an attitude. I could do anything, and the world would have to listen. The temptations of the world blinded me. A gun and a badge were my power and authority. What was I thinking? Not anymore. I receive my power and authority from God.

I will end with a quote that expresses what the Lord has done for me. “Not all of us can be heroes; some of us have to be saved.”

I thank the Lord every day he gave me that split second to choose Him. I thank the Lord He saved me. I pray you will also be fearless, and make the same choice. While you may never have a bullet staring you in the face, there is no guarantee there will be a tomorrow.

Lynne Russell is the co-author of a children’s book, USELESS: A Donkey’s Adventurous Tale. She also enjoyed a twenty-one year, award-winning career in television, radio, magazine, and newspaper media. Lynne is a certified Chaplin with The Church at Work and is also certified in Critical Incident Stress Management. Reach Lynne at lkayruss@gmail.com