We know what we mean, but do we always mean what we say? The pictures in our minds can easily blind us to what readers will understand from our words. By having somebody read our words before they go to print, we can save ourselves from embarrassment.
Here are a few announcements you might find humorous, supposedly from actual church bulletins:
- The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
- Next Thursday, there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
- Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.
- This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Jones to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
- The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning.
- If you are going to be hospitalized for an operation, contact the pastor. Special prayer also for those who are seriously sick by request.
- The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
- Don’t let worry kill you, let the Church help.
- The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
- Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It is a great chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.
- Men’s Prayer Breakfast. No charge, but your damnation will be gratefully accepted.
- For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs .
- Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.
- Great news! Doctors have performed a CAT scan on Pastor McLaren’s head and report that they have found nothing!
- Illiterate? Write to the church office for help.
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our Church and community.
- A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow.
- The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
- A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
For a much longer listing of bloopers, Click Here.
