Your writing will be stronger if you strive to begin a sentence with something other that “it” or “there.”
Great words from The Queen by Steven James:
It seemed obvious that Alexei had abducted Kayla, but as I’ve learned in the past, things are not always what they appear to be. Once again I was reminded of what my mentor, Dr. Calvin Werjonic, used to say: “Truth often hides in the crevices of the evident.” It was possible that Kayla wasn’t Alexei’s captive but his partner. He might not have killed the Pickrons, but I didn’t want to discount—as unlikely as it was—the possibility that she might have.
What we might see for an improved version:
Wasn’t it obvious? Alexei had abducted Kayla.
No, things are not always what they appear to be. As my mentor, Dr. Calvin Werjonic, used to say: Truth often hides in the crevices of the evident.
Maybe Kayla wasn’t Alexei’s captive at all. She could be his partner. I’d been thinking he killed the Pickrons, but maybe not. I couldn’t discount the possibility—as unlikely as it was—that she might have.
Logic for making improvements:
- “It seemed obvious” is a telling phrase, and “it” is one of the weakest ways to begin a sentence.
- In a deep point of view, readers want to hear the question our character is asking himself. Instead of “it seemed obvious,” we do better with “wasn’t it obvious?”
- After asking the question, we want to hear how our character answers: “No, things are not always as they appear to be.
- Since Dr. Werjonic’s aphorism is the characters thought and not spoken dialogue, we do well to show it in italics.
- “It was possible” is a telling phrase, and “it” is one of the weakest ways to begin a sentence. We deepen the point of view this way: “Maybe Kayla wasn’t Alexei’s captive at all.”
- “I didn’t want to discount” is telling. “Maybe not” is better because it deepens the point of view.
- Before, this section was a single paragraph. Today’s readers love short paragraphs that change with each shift in the point of focus, so we’re doing that here to make the reading more enjoyable, the meaning a little easier to grasp.
