Much has been written about Point of View but not much about Point of Focus. What’s the difference?
Point of View is the perspective from which a story is told, often likened to what the storyteller could capture when holding a video camera. When the viewpoint character changes, we want a scene or chapter break and must make the identity of the new camera holder clear to the reader.
Point of Focus is the point where the point-of-view character aims the camera. We identify each shift of the camera by starting a new paragraph.
Most writers know to start a new paragraph when dialogue switches to a different character. What they sometimes miss is including the point-of-focus character’s actions in the same paragraph as the dialogue. Or they may fail to separate actions that belong to a different character.
Here’s a great paragraph from The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins:
“I’ve found another job,” I said, without really thinking about it. “So I’m not going to be able to do this any longer.” Anna gave me a look— I don’t think she believed me. She just said, “Oh, that’s a shame,” and I could tell she didn’t mean it. She looked relieved. She didn’t even ask me what the job was, which was a relief, because I hadn’t thought up a convincing lie.
If we break the changing points of focus into different paragraphs, the dialogue and actions are easier to follow:
“I’ve found another job,” I said without thinking. “So I can’t do this any longer.”
Anna gave me a look—not believing me. “Oh, that’s a shame.” Something in her tone said she didn’t mean it. She looked relieved.
I wasn’t even asked what the job was, which was a relief because I hadn’t thought up a convincing lie.
Logic for making improvements:
- In the first sentence, we don’t need the long explanatory phrase set off with a comma. What’s the difference between thinking and really thinking? Better: “I said without thinking.”
- “I’m not going to be able to” is unnecessarily cumbersome. Better: “I can’t.”
- Anna’s look signals a shift in focus and a need for a new paragraph.
- “I don’t think” tells us that the thought was thought. We do better to leave out that phrase and show the thought: “Anna gave me a look—not believing me.”
- Actions, body language, and tone of voice can identify the speaker when we have separate paragraphs for each person. We don’t need as many tags. In this case, we can leave out “she just said.”
- “I could tell” is a telling statement. Showing how she could tell is better: “Something in her tone said she didn’t mean it.”
- “She didn’t even ask me . . .” is a shift in focus that is better represented in a new paragraph beginning with “I wasn’t even asked . . .”
