This author writes very well in present tense, which is about as easy as climbing a mountain with an extra fifty pounds in your backpack.
Great words from The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins:
Scott’s just called to say he has to work late, which is not the news I wanted to hear. I’m feeling edgy, have been all day. Can’t keep still. I need him to come home and calm me down, and now it’s going to be hours before he gets here and my brain is going to keep racing round and round and round and I know I’ve got a sleepless night coming.
What we might see for an improved version:
Scott calls to say he has to work late, which is not what I want to hear. I feel edgy, have felt that way all day. Can’t keep still. I need him at home to calm me down, and now it will be hours before he gets here. My brain will keep racing round and round and round. I’ve got a sleepless night coming.
Logic for making improvements:
- Writing in present tense isn’t easy because every moment is now, floating in time, with no sense that actions have closure and we can move on.
- Simple past tense is more comfortable for readers, but if you want a sense of discomfort, present tense might be the way to go.
- We see more present-tense writing today, not because it’s better but because it has achieved a level of literary admiration, which is mainly due to how difficult it is to write well.
- Aspiring writers sometimes think they can become a celebrity by writing in present tense, but because it’s so difficult, their inexperience is magnified instead.
- “Scott’s just called” uses the present-perfect tense, diminishing the immediacy of the present moment. “Scott calls” is better.
- “Not the news I wanted to hear” continues the telling from the past.” To show the emotion in the present, we need “which is not the news I want to hear.”
- We might think “the news” is an important detail, but actually it states the obvious and dims our focus on her desire. Better: “which is not what I want to hear.”
- “I need him to come home” misses the important concern she has, which is “I need him at home.”
- “It will be” uses fewer words to say the same thing, so it’s stronger than “it’s going to be.”
- We might think “round and round and round” is redundant, because it is. But the redundancy is important here, so we feel the endless circling in her mind.
- “I know” causes readers to observe the character. We need to leave that phrase out so readers can be the character, directly sensing what she knows.
- “I’ve got a sleepless night coming” is stronger as a stand-alone sentence, not joined to the previous clause with a conjunction.
