Blinded and Upside Down
by Sheila Garza Figueroa

Have you ever seen the commercial on television showing a woman at her back door, asking an animal, who she thinks is a cat, but it’s not, “Do you want to come in and snuggles with mama?” Then you see a raccoon walk in; and later the spot shows the woman in bed with the raccoon, stretched out at her feet, and she says, “Good kitty.” The woman thinks everything and everyone is okay, right? She thinks she sees clearly, right? But she really doesn’t because her vision is not one hundred percent. Well, that was me! Have you ever thought you were thinking and seeing pretty clearly, and you really weren’t?

Throughout my high school and college years I did not attend church; nor did I read my Bible on a regular basis. Okay, be truthful Sheila. I read the Bible at Easter and Christmas. I prayed to God when I needed good grades or help during a crisis. That was it. I never prayed consistently. My parents did not attend church so I did not make it a priority in my life. I always believed God is God and that Jesus is his Son. I have always believed there is a Holy Spirit and the three are one. I just never had a relationship with God.

Fast forward to my early adult years.

During those years I was a perfectionist, usually stressed and worried. Needless to say, I didn’t have a whole lot of fun. I thought I could do it all and was frustrated many times when things didn’t go as planned. I was an organizer, and I always wanted things to be perfect. I carried this fear inside of me that people would find out I wasn’t perfect. Some of my friends would tell me about Jesus Christ, having a relationship with Him, and invite me to their church, but I always had an excuse. I was busy living life, planning life, and did not have time for God, much less attend a church service.

Yet, there was something always missing in my life, even though I was busy. No matter how preoccupied I was, there was never what I call fulfillment or peace. I always had to do more and more, regardless if I could see ahead or not. Make a goal, reach a goal; it never was enough.

I finally gave in to one of my friends, or so I thought I was giving in, to attend a church service back in the late 1980’s. The words the pastor spoke that day reached deep into my heart. I started crying. I thought something was wrong with me. My girlfriend stepped out because she was coughing a lot. Why would I cry in front of a bunch of strangers? They didn’t know me. They wouldn’t even want to get to know me. If they did, they would find out I was not perfect. I learned that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). At the end of the service, I asked Jesus into my life. I prayed for Jesus to forgive all the bad and the not so good things I had done and asked forgiveness for all the unkind words I said to people.

Have you ever thought, Well, it wasn’t that bad? It really was. The thoughts that went through my head were especially bad. Some of them would make your toes curl for sure. Do toes really curl? Hmmmm… That’s a question for another day. I learned Scripture says, “For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit” (1 Peter 3:18 ESV).

After I prayed to become a Christian, I began to see subtle changes in my life. I wasn’t as bent on being perfect every single day.

Woohoo! Thank God for that one.

I need to add here that I never had an “aha” moment or a “mountain top experience” as some people call it. When people shared the Lord spoke to them and told them whatever, I remember smiling and going “uh huh” and thinking, These people are out of their minds. God doesn’t speak to anyone. Not really.

However, I began to see I needed God and his son Jesus more and more. My blurry spiritual vision improved. Cobwebs came off of my eyes, slowly but surely. I was changing. There are verses in the Bible that speak about this. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:17–18).

Just when I thought I was spiritually mature, I endured a trial that literally knocked me flat. In September 2009, the retina in my left eye spontaneously detached. All you need to know about this is I don’t want any of you to have to go through it, okay? To date, I have had seven surgeries to reattach my retina. After the first two surgeries in September and October of 2009, I was quarantined at home for a month, which means I was not allowed out of the house, not outside on the porch, not outside to get the mail.

Nothing.

I stayed on my stomach for 45 minutes out of every 60 minutes, 24 hours a day. Do you know how hard that was? The person who was busy, but getting much better at not being too busy? I would be a liar if I told you I thanked God every single day while I was on my stomach, but I did remember to thank Him that there were retinal surgeons, trained in this kind of procedure. I thanked God that it was 2009, and not fifteen years before when there were no medical procedures to fix a retinal detachment.

So, this “eye situation,” as I like to call it, forced me to either hear Scripture from the pastors on television or hear Scriptures being read on an audio CD. As I began to hear the words in the Bible, and I do mean hear with a capital H, more things began to change for me. I was more aware. I could actually “feel” God’s presence. I was more alive; and even though my left eye was covered, I began to see even more clearly.

During these times people brought over food, groceries, telephoned me, and sent me wonderful cards and notes. People prayed for me, and still are, because my vision has not fully returned. I do thank God for all of them! I felt so much love and peace during that time.

Then on March 3, 2010, which happened to be my dear husband Raymond’s birthday, I had a follow up appointment with the surgeon. I remember telling my Pastor I would call him after that appointment to give him the update on my situation. The update was not good. The surgeon told me that a part of my retina was folded. No! You want your eye doctor to tell you that you have a flat retina. Like the stomach, flat is good. The doctor said he was going to cryo it, which means freeze it, there in the office and put in a gas bubble to try to flatten out the retina. He was not hopeful it would work. If this didn’t do the job, we would have to go in for another surgery.

Now keep in mind, up to this time, I had not broken down emotionally. Not really. Not a crying jag, not a “what the heck is going on” kind of conversation with the Lord. On the drive home, I started crying just a little. Raymond asked me, “Are you all right?” And I said, “Yes, I will be in a minute.” Well, no not really.

When we came home, I lost it. I sat on the couch and cried and cried, and the tears made my eye hurt even more because it was frozen and it had a big patch of gauze on it. I could feel the tears stinging.

After I finished crying, my cell phone rang (another one of God’s perfect timings) and my pastor said, “Sheila you didn’t call me. What’s happening?” I answered, “I didn’t call you because I was having a fit.” Without skipping a beat, he asked me “Was it a little fit or a big fit?” I told him “a big fit,” with cuss words in my thoughts and everything, a crying jag.” He said, “Sheila, big fits are good. God knows what you are going through. God knows what you feel. We are all praying for you.” I said, “Thanks,” and then told him what the doctor said.

There is a happy ending, the cryo ended up working and my retina is flat. Praise God for healing!

So, after giving you all this information, I have some things to tell you I learned while on my stomach for 45 minutes out of every hour.

Being a Christian does not guarantee you a life without bumps in the road. I gave my life to Jesus so that He can do with it what He wants. But I now have hope, and I have peace; and that is a beautiful thing.

Really good people, almost angel-like, do exist.

Some of them, I have learned, have really cool cell phones that have games on them. The games kept my husband’s mind occupied while I was in surgery.

Some of them have loud laughs, kind eyes and kind words, are funny and have the patience of saints.

Some of them have an absolute love for chocolate chip cookies.

Some of them loan you the best books on tape.

Some of them can be intense, but they are oh, so sincere. One friend actually laid on my living room floor,

underneath my head so she could see me while we talked.

One friend bought and gave me my very first large print Bible.

There are many people who you never see but just know they are there.

God reminded me that my husband is truly my human rock and support.

I was shown that some of my friends love to cook and pray; they would do whatever I asked of them.

Kindness is a powerful thing.

It became clear to me God is real. I was reminded that God does love me. God used this forced quiet time to show me things about myself that were not pretty. He showed me that committees and other activities do go on without me, and that I don’t have to say, “yes” to everything I am asked to do. I am only to trust and depend on Him. I desire to know Him and follow His principles. Why is that so hard at times? Well, I am human. I was reminded God is in control, not me. I also learned situations are never as bad as they seem.

I thank God that I never once dwelled on the thought that I would be blind in my left eye. My right eye, by the way, is 20/20 with my glasses. I thank God I am a Texan because in Texas it is legal to drive a car with one eye. I thank God I still have vision in my left eye. It is real blurry at the moment, but I have it. Some people have none. God’s timing is perfect. We don’t get that because we are not perfect. For some of us, that statement kills us. It used to kill me.

I learned good does come out of something not so good. It may be just a lesson for me to learn, or something that I can use to help others. I learned what praying really means. It means talking to God in my voice, with my words that I use every day.

It became clear to me if you don’t feel God or think God is there, just believe He is because He is.

You are not abandoned. It is just not your moment in time to feel His presence. I learned that it is when our life is falling apart that our faith is tested. I believe I have true faith because I have more patience with life’s obstacles now.

I was reminded I serve a living God, a resurrected God! Scripture says, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1).

I learned that being in a growing relationship with Christ demands changes. Along with growth, this relationship challenges us to see possibilities for ourselves and a world that we had never imagined. God didn’t save me to make life easy. He saved me to be in a relationship with Him, and what an exciting possibility that is for me today.

I am humbled by Jesus’ concern for everyone and everything. With my busy and over-commitment, I forgot how Jesus really does love us and is concerned for our well- being. I have learned to not let the circumstances get in me; keep them around me, yes, but not get in me. I have learned that no matter how difficult our circumstances are, we can make it through anything this world tosses at us with the power of Christ running through us. God is my strength.

Reading the Bible (or hearing the words in the Bible) helps me to know the heart and will of God. God has given each one of us some area of giftedness in our lives and we need to use those gifts while discovering our purpose in life. I always said that if eating were a spiritual gift, I would be the most spiritual woman in the world. Ha!

I want to see my life as one that is obedient to the Lord. God is faithful always.

God keeps his promises always.

Don’t look at the storms around you, look at Jesus. Don’t listen to your fears; trust God’s promise to be with you. Don’t succumb to your own troubled emotions; let the Holy Spirit take over.

I was so busy with various activities, including (gasp), church activities, that there was little time left for God. I learned I need to make a conscious decision, and then it takes action. I just can’t talk about it; I have to do something. God gave me His son Jesus. He loves me that much. He forgave my sins. All of them, good, bad, and ugly. It is important to remember the times when God seemed especially close and to remember the difficult times God has brought me through, for it is a means of encouragement when things happen in our lives. God has brought me through many storms, and I thank him for that.

My goal now is to know Christ and to be obedient. It takes a lot of energy to fight Him and His plan for my life. So I’d rather use energy to know Him with everything I have. I was a sinner, and I still am a sinner. I am not perfect.

But I know God has forgiven me and loves me, and I will spend the rest of my life loving and serving Him. When I accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, I was sure of the forgiveness of sins, new life in Christ, and eternity in heaven.

I was blind, but now I see. “So clearly” means more than the difference between a raccoon and a cat. “So clearly” means more to me than you will ever know.

Sheila Figueroa was born and raised in San Antonio, Texas and has been married for 32 years to Raymond, a retired animal trainer at the San Antonio Zoo. She is a legal secretary and her hobbies include traveling around Texas, reading, cooking, and baking. Her email address is: shefig@earthlink.net.