We always know what we mean, but do our readers? That’s where we have to be careful, or we leave them making assumptions as they try to figure out what “it” is.
Any time we can avoid “it” by showing what “it” is, we have a more vivid picture. Writers often use “it” because it’s so convenient, saving the extra work to clarify what “it” is. If the word appears three times in the same sentence, don’t be surprised if the usages of “it” have different, often confusing, shades of meaning.
“It” is meaningless without an “antecedent,” the preceding noun that gives that little two-letter word its meaning. One of the weakest ways to begin a sentence is to use “it.”
Great words from The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins:
Blood is throbbing in my head, my heart pounding. I don’t know whether what I’m seeing, feeling, is real or not, imagination or memory. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut and try to feel it again, to see it again, but it’s gone.
What we might see for an improved version:
Blood throbs in my head, my heart pounding. Is what I’m seeing and feeling real? Is it my imagination or a memory? I squeeze my eyes shut and try to feel the emotion again, to see images again, but the picture is gone.
Logic for making improvements:
- “Heart pounding” is usually an overworked phrase that should be avoided, but it’s appropriate here because of the introductory phrase.
- “Blood is throbbing in my head” is present-progressive tense, which works as an ongoing action. But in deep point of view, especially in present tense, every moment is now. To describe the present moment, we need “blood throbs.”
- “I don’t know” is a telling statement, as if the point-of-view character is observing herself. To have the sense of being the character, she needs to ask the questions that would show what she doesn’t know. Instead of “I don’t know whether what I’m seeing, feeling, is real or not,” we want her to ask, “Is what I’m seeing and feeling real?”
- The ending phrase “imagination or memory” is a separate issue from “seeing and feeling,” so she needs to say it in a second question: “Is it my imagination or a memory.”
- In “I squeeze my eyes tightly shut,” we need to leave out “tightly,” because the meaning of that word is included in “squeeze.”
- In the last sentence, we have three occurrences of “it,” which gives readers the bothersome burden of figuring out what “it” is. Anytime we can avoid “it” by showing what “it” is, we have a more vivid picture.
- By replacing the first “it” with “emotion,” the second with “images,” and the third with “picture,” we see better from the character’s point of view.
